If I didn't owe these A-holes so much money I might think about switching banks.
Or just burying all my money in an empty pickle jar in the back yard.
Oh...I don't have a back yard. Uhh...Stitching it into the liners of my suit jackets?
Yeah. That'll work.
I'm assuming you all read my previous post about the diabolical plans of Toronto Dominion Bank (See? "Dominion", they sound evil...) to ruin my life. The first one of you to comment that to "assume" makes an ass out of you and me will be given my cat.
Yes. That is a threat.
He's a douche.
Well, today, I once again had to venture into the deep dark depths of Dominion territory. As usual I had to fight with every ounce of my being to make it out alive. By that, I of course mean that it was a huge pain in the ass. I went to the one nearest my house only to discover that they were having "technical difficulties", by that I assume everything was fine they just fucking hate me.
"Oh, so sorry" they said with an evil grin "you'll just have to go to another branch. Ha...mwa...mu...MWAHAHWHUHAUHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
"Ummm...what's with the crazy laugh?" I asked, whilst looking handsome as always
"I wasn't laughing about you...I was...laughing about something that happened earlier...yeah."
"Really? Because it kind of sounded like you just started the countdown sequence for a Doomsday drill headed for the centre of the earth with a payload of weapons grade Plutonium."
".....No. I uhh, just remembered something super duper funny that was on Leno last night."
Like an idiot I believed them, but I should have realized something was wrong right then and there: LENO ISN"T FUNNY AT ALL.*
How could I be so foolish?!?!
I drove to the next closest branch were I was told that their system was down as well, in fact, the whole system was down.
I recoiled in shock; "Well then why was I instructed to come to another branch, you dirty rotten son of a B?"
"Well Ryan that is just one more step in our evil master plan to ruin your life."
"What?"
" I said I guess they made a mistake. I'll phone and tell them not to do that/send them a gift basket."
So basically, yeah, I drove around for an hour and got zero banking accomplished. FML.
I just don't understand how EVERYTHING can be not working.
That would be like going to a movie theatre and them being like "Oh, yeah, uhh...none of our movies are working. Also, every other theatre in the city is broken too. Sorry."
But, in fact, it's worse, because they have MY MONEY. It's mine, I'm not looking to buy something from them, or make them money. They have something that BELONGS TO ME and are ballsy enough to be like "Tough. Come back later."
This is the enemy. His name is W. Edmund Clark, and he is the CEO of TD.
I think it's right for me to assume the 'W' stands for Whore.
If you see this man on the street punch him in the face. Do it for me.
I'll give you my cat in return.
Seriously, somebody take this guy, he's only cute like 8% of the time. The rest of the time he's trying to rip the flesh from my bones.
*Seriously, I fucking hate the guy. Someone punch him in the face too. Then promise that five years from now you won't punch him in the face, and then do it anyways.
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