Clash of the Suck

I may, or may not work at a multi-billion dollar franchise movie theatre.

Either way, I do have the opportunity to see a lot of movies, and I abuse this as much possible. I love movies. Love them. I could watch movies all day long and be happy about it. I'm serious about my movies too.

Ask anyone who watched the Oscars with me this year; I drank a bottle of Schnapps and screamed at the TV when Sandra won her Oscar (it's too bad she wasn't competing against a skanky girl from a trailer park, because we know she would lose there).

To me, a film isn't just about entertainment, although many are, but a piece of art. Just the way that a painter pours his heart and soul into a portrait, I believe a director does with a film. Unless that director is Michael Bay, in which case he just fills things with gasoline and shitty acting and blows them up.

This being said, it drives me fucking insane that a piece of crap like Clash of the Titans is making shit loads of money. Seriously, I was selling tickets yesterday telling people "Hey, don't waste your money, I would rather spend two hours sponging Rosie O'Donnell's boob sweat then sit through that again."

Their reply; "Uhhh...ok. I'll have one for the boob-sweat movie please."

How safe do we feel that these are the same people that get to vote in elections? I mean, if they this is how they make a decision as simple as "What looks like it doesn't suck", it's no wonder Glen Beck hates health care reform; he must be a Renny Harlin fan.

Let's take a look at some of the "Block-Buster" films of the last year:

Hotel for Dogs - Worldwide gross of $118 million.

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 46%

My Bloody Valentine (In 3D!!) - Worldwide gross of $98 million

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 55%

The Pink Panther 2 - Worldwide gross of $70 million

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 13%

Finally, a movie so bad it literally made me shake with anger

G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Worldwide gross $302 million

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 36%

First off, Stephen Sommers needs to be punched in the face for allowing ice to sink in water.

Secondly, what the fuck is wrong with the world??

Let me finish this post by putting the rest of these numbers in perspective. The following movies are fucking awesome, and this is the amount of money they made in theatres

The Big Lebowski - Worldwide gross $46 million

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 78%

(500) Days of Summer (Possibly the best movie of last year...) - Worldwide gross $60 million

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 86%

Donnie Darko - Worldwide gross $4.1 million

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 84%

I'm going to go cry in the corner now...