Steven Seagal: Role Model

Hey,
My Step-brother's a lawyer now.
Yeah.
I fucking know people.
I'm kind of a big deal.

What?
Well no...not as big of a deal as him...he's a lawyer...
Me?
Uhh....part time at a movie theatre, umm, and I go to a University.
No! It's not a community college anymore, it's a University now. Douche.
Well...not "professors", they just call them instructors...I think it's the same thing though.
Briefs-wait! What the hell does that have to do with anything? 


Ok. Back to the matter at hand. I am now Above the Law. That's right, I can do whatever I want. I have a lawyer in the family. Don't like that?
Ok.
I'm going to come to your house and drop a deuce on your driveway.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
I'm all lawyered up. Tough shit.

Here's the get rich quick scheme:
Step 1- I find a rich mark, i.e. guy with a mercedes, franchise restaurant, the vatican. You know, the usual.
Step 2 - Get hit by mercedes/ "Spill" hot coffee on self...or permanent brain freeze damage with a Frosty/ get molested by The Pope.*
Step 3 - Play up the injury good while the Bro' goes all Johnnie Cochran up on everyone's business.
Step 4 -  Swim in my swimming pool full of money.
Step 5 - Probably drown in my swimming pool of money because I've no doubt been drinking, what with my new found fortune and all. What? Like you wouldn't day-drink when you're filthy rich and don't have to work?

Fuck yeah. That's the plan. GO TIME!

Uhh...no. I haven't asked him yet, I'm going to-
Well, why wouldn't he say yes?
What better things to do?
Define "reputable law-firm".
Define "benefits package".
...
...
Why yes...I have been day-drinking.


*Don't act like it isn't likely - all I need to do is act innocent and show some penis and that guy will be all over me.