For serious people, it's time to admit it, we need to stop pretending like it isn't true. May Long Weekend sucks balls.
It always goes down the same way, the week before is beautiful, everyone makes camping plans and then it fucking rains/snows/volcanoes or whatever and everyone is mad.
Or stuck camping already and cold as hell.
News Flash people - IT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR.
Stop making plans. Your inability to outsmart the weather puts you in the same category as a caveman.
If you don't believe me, I have two things to say:
Number 1 - Shut your face-hole.
Number 2 - Here is some statistics from The M-Effin Farmer's Almanac!!!!
Edmonton Weather Statistics for May 21st
2009 - Mean Temp. 6.3 (Celsius, yo)
2008 - Mean Temp. 12.9 + 1cm of precipitation
2007 - Mean Temp. 10.4
2006 - Mean Temp. 12.6
Do you see what I'm saying here people? I sure as hell don't plan on going camping with an average temperature of like 10 degrees. That would suck.
SideBar
Every single one of the idiots that made camping plans that were subsequently ruined by the fact that yesterday in Edmonton it was 4(!) degrees and rained all day came to the theatre when I was working last night.
All of them. It was stupid busy.
I had a lady push through like 10 other people to be all "When is my order going to be ready/I clearly don't need any more food, I just like to let people know that I have no manners and to feel big by yelling at minimum wage employees".
I then rather politely explained that the other 10 people around here also had food ordered and that I was doing my best to prepare everything as quick as possible.
So, using her amazing powers of mental fortitude, she began to try and argue with me about how long it should/should not take to make a burger.
I responded by telling her that we were making everything as fast as we could and that the time I spend talking with her is taking away from the time I could spend preparing orders.
Then I hit her with a shovel and shoved her in the Pizza oven.
Hobos, Happy Endings, and Douche Maneuvers
Don't worry, these things are unrelated...except in my dreams.
As I mentioned earlier it was super hot last week, we had one day hit 30, and that meant one thing:
The Hobos could finally work on their tans!
Ugh. No joke, going from my house to school I saw a minimum of like 8 shirtless guys. I just don't understand. I mean, at a pool, Yes, I get it. Maybe whilst camping, sure. In your own yard, go for it. While walking around downtown Edmonton while wearing mis-matched shoes, probably not necessary.
Better than all that, one Hobo not only was shirtless, pushing a shopping cart, wearing mis-matched work boots, but also....Cut off Jean short-shorts.
Yeah, like, bikini cut. They couldn't get any shorter.
Sexy.
This Hobo filled street I drive down is 107 ave. here in Edmonton, also known as 'The Avenue of Nations". I don't know why, that's just what the sign says. At one point there is a really sketching looking, ahem, "Massage Studio" titles "Just 4 Men Massage".
Yeah. We are all thinking the same thing here. I've driven past it a bunch, and always just assumed it wasn't quite legit...and if you don't know what I mean by that I will give you a hint....Hand Jobs. Men + Ladies + An exchange of Currencies= HJ's.
Now, I had no proof of this, one just assumes that if they can't afford sign lettering to make "for" instead of "4" things can't be that great.
Well, the same day as Edmonton's Sexiest Hobo contest, I was stopped in traffic near the front of the place, I happen to look over, and there is a girl out front of the door smoking a cigarette, wearing LINGERIE.
Yeah. I think this proves me very right.
So, as if this day of wonders can't get any more wondrous. In my ORGA 316 class there was a guy on the other side of the room that wore sunglasses THE WHOLE CLASS. Inside, in a room with no windows to outside. Sunglasses. The whole time, even when she dimmed the lights to watch a video. Now, I may not condemn the guy completely for that, but mostly. However, the fact that he also had his collar popped the whole time pretty much sealed the deal for me.
I need to make room in that Pizza Oven...
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