Saturday, February 12, 2011

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly...bread.

If you were smart you would already know allllll about Hella Chella's balls-to-the-wall awesome Sock Zombie 2011 Giveaway.
If you don't, that obviously means you are dumb. Tough break champ.

Well here's the deal, she bakes. And she's usually pretty good about it.
But she also drinks occasionally.
Step 1 + Step 2 usually results in Ugly Bread.

"Haaay! Oh-I mean...Yaaarg! Or whatever."

So to win the wonderfully fantastical Rhoda I have to make my own ugly bread.
So the F-bomb and I got to work...the last evening possible to enter the contest. In fact, she said "Saturday at the latest" and there is less than 2 hours before Sunday...in fact, I think it technically is Sunday where she lives.
Whatever.
This better effin' count Michelle!
LET'S FRIGGIN DO THIS THING:

Yeast. Yeah, that's right. Also Sugar.


Now you're probably confused...just wait...


Oh...Uhh.This is unrelated.
Carry on.

Ugly bread right? YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING YET.

Muhu--muuhuuuahahahahahaha!
It's Alive!! That's right, I made a BREAD ZOMBIE!!

Ladies and Gentlemen....Zombie Brad P. Loafington the 3rd, Esquire.

Straight Chillin'.

The most delicious role reversal ever.

Right. So that's it.
Now I just wait and dream of Rhoda.

Also...funny story, I felt super proud of myself coming up with this idea, I was all "Oh it's sooo funny, Bread Zombie - Sock Zombie, GET IT??"
However, what I did not think of was checking on the existing entries to the competition. Because I'm not smart, apparently. 
Yeah, Alli over at littlebitpsycho already made an awesome bread baby, very much in the same vain as my project. She did a damn fine job too, so now I just look like an asshole.
Fuck.









7 comments:

  1. haha this thing is awesome. Also "Esquire" is an essential portion of the winning combo

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  2. Um, right now I'm sitting here writhing in jealousy because I wish I'd thought of making a bread zombie too! But with raspberry filling, so when you bite into it....ok, nevermind. This is awesome though!

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  3. Um. Holy Ugly BREAD.

    PS. Your cat is so awesome.

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  4. ZOMG! Raspberry filling!!!!
    That would have been the best! Stop one upping me!
    Also, the F-bomb tried to tell me that "he can't be 'the 3rd' and 'esquire' at the same time" and I was like "He's a fucking bread zombie."

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  5. Maybe you should beat her.

    No?

    FINE.

    Well it was just a suggestion like when Whoopie Goldberg was on that movie about purple and all her marital advice to her brother was to beat his wife.

    But she was talking about Oprah. You can't just tell someone to beat up Oprah.

    So when's the weddin'?

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  6. July 2nd, meaning this will be the first Canada day in ages where I don't get black-out drunk.
    Theoretically.

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  7. ooh, cool bread zombie. and it looks like it even has the potential to be a marionette bread zombie!! alas, i see you will remain rhoda-less. my condolences.

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