U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly...bread.

If you were smart you would already know allllll about Hella Chella's balls-to-the-wall awesome Sock Zombie 2011 Giveaway.

If you don't, that obviously means you are dumb. Tough break champ.

Well here's the deal, she bakes. And she's usually pretty good about it.
But she also drinks occasionally.

Step 1 + Step 2 usually results in Ugly Bread.

"Haaay! Oh-I mean...Yaaarg! Or whatever."

So to win the wonderfully fantastical Rhoda I have to make my own ugly bread.
So the F-bomb and I got to work...the last evening possible to enter the contest. In fact, she said "Saturday at the latest" and there is less than 2 hours before Sunday...in fact, I think it technically is Sunday where she lives.
Whatever.
This better effin' count Michelle!
LET'S FRIGGIN DO THIS THING:

Yeast. Yeah, that's right. Also Sugar.

Now you're probably confused...just wait...

Oh...Uhh.This is unrelated.
Carry on.

Ugly bread right? YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING YET.

Muhu--muuhuuuahahahahahaha!
It's Alive!! That's right, I made a BREAD ZOMBIE!!

Ladies and Gentlemen....Zombie Brad P. Loafington the 3rd, Esquire.

Straight Chillin'.

The most delicious role reversal ever.

Right. So that's it.

Now I just wait and dream of Rhoda.

Also...funny story, I felt super proud of myself coming up with this idea, I was all "Oh it's sooo funny, Bread Zombie - Sock Zombie, GET IT??"

However, what I did not think of was checking on the existing entries to the competition. Because I'm not smart, apparently. 

Yeah, Alli over at littlebitpsycho already made an awesome bread baby, very much in the same vain as my project. She did a damn fine job too, so now I just look like an asshole.

Fuck.

For the fellas- wait, no, the ladies! It's for the ladies!

Hey peeps.
What up?
Rhetorical question, I don't really care.
Anywho.
I've been slacking real real bad. I was supposed to keep you all kinds of updated on my weight loss venture. So, commence first update, roughly 3 weeks late.

Insanity started Jan 3. with my initial inputs being:
Weight - 198
BMI - 30.1
Body Fat % - 30.1

There was also fitness test results, that are boring and I'm not going to repeat here. Also, posted some before pictures on Tumblr. Shield your eyes.

On the 17th I had another fit test and was down to 193.4.
I did good on the fit test, improved at least 20% on all my moves, some as much as 100%.

However, things started going a little down hill. I've been having trouble keeping up with Insanity. Don't get me wrong, I've been eating way healthier, following the nutrition guide very closely. I'm just not used to working out so much and it's been hard to do Insanity 6 days a week. So yeah, I've missed some days.

Second confession: Drinking and Insanity don't go well together. Obviously. Had a friends birthday, and then the Superbowl. The Superbowl was actually the day before I was supposed to do my most recent fit test...so that was bad. I ended up still doing it a day late and I didn't perform well. I Did the first 4/8 and improved, the 5th I reached the same, and then sort of collapsed...and then puked a little. For real.

So I didn't finish the other three moves, because it was at least 15 or so minutes before I was capable of doing so and so those numbers wouldn't be accurate. I'm supposed to only have 1 minute in between. I threw it down as a DNF and felt terrible.

At this point I decided that I'm not drinking again until Insanity is over. The other numbers aren't so bad:
Weight after 34 days - 188.8
BMI 28.7
Body Fat % 30.8 (This is higher. We are using some calculator thing online, but the F-bomb says that the accurate way to do it is with some machine or something. So I'm not concerning myself with it too much.)

So I'm down. Which is good. Here are the before/afters that my graphic designer (F-bomb) put together for comparison. I'll post all of them on Tumblr if you're some sort of pervert that's into that kind of thing.

Obviously I've still got a long way to go. But at least under your watchful eyes I will feel horribly ashamed whenever I slip up.

So, thanks...I guess.