Time to take out the White-Trash.

I went on an awesome camping escapade this weekend. It was my buddy Cory's birthday so a bunch of us headed down to a local site to frolic in the glory that is nature.

I didn't take any pictures, because I didn't take my camera...because I can't even take care of myself, let alone electronics. However, other people did, and as soon as I get sent some I will let you all share in the glory.

For now however, you can share my pain:

I honestly don't think that photo does the searing flesh of solar tyranny justice; It hurts to breath. (You'll notice that my MacBook WebCam skillz are increasing, I managed to include all the good burn marks, and the look of Pain/Terror on my face, but cut it off right before the image of my supple, yet firm, man-breasts.)

My own fault. I know. I was busy Icing Bros, I couldn't apply SPF Fucking Hot Out. (I think that's around 15 or so.)

At this point in the blog we come to more important matters, a life lesson of sorts:

NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM BEING WHITE-TRASH

Take the above photo into account. That tan line is clearly a Hanes Tagless Men's White Tank, or as it is more commonly known a "wife-beater". No doubt called this due to the propensity of fans of said shirt to be avid domestic offenders.

Now, let's be clear blog, all 13 (What? 13? HolyShit, I'm like Oprah...except you know...not from Chicago.) of you: Domestic Violence is not funny in any capacity (except when a woman is beating up a man - that's fucking hilarious) and should not be ignored. If you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence don't ignore it.

That being said, dressing like a redneck is hilarious. Especially when camping and drinking dangerously large amounts of alcohol. It does have it's downside though; the burns.

To further back up my point...

Who is he hurting you say? What's wrong about this? He's just enjoying some music and a sweet-fucking haircut?

It has it's consequences:

Yeah. If I ever let my 17 year old daughter go to a party dressed like that just slap me. With a fist.

I know a bunch of you shitty parents are all like "Oh whatever, it's covering as much as a bathing suit." Yes, it is. But a bathing suit serves a purpose, it's for going swimming.

You put a bathing suit on with the express purpose of swimming, or perhaps sun tanning. Both fairly acceptable practices.

What do you think the purpose of this outfit is for?

It's to look like a damn hussy. It's to turn on young (and, unfortunately old) boys and make young (also, even more unfortunately old) girls want to dress and act the same. All with the purpose of making money.

Don't get me wrong, I am not at all against using one's body to make tha' chedda' (Do the kids still call it this?...I mean money), in fact, if anybody wanted to pay to see mine I might totally do it.

But come on, at least wait until she's a grown up. Have a smidge of decency.

Not enough blog? Fuck you.

Yeah, so...it's been a little while.

I have no idea how long exactly...

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Oh there's a date on the bottom of my last post?

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Simple math you say?

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You know what, FANCY PANTS, if you think you're better than me then you can go start your own damn blog. You think it's so damn easy, you don't even know how hard it was to get this started.

The capital alone-

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Already signed up for a free Blogger account you say?

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Go follow someone else. You people are too high maintenance for me.

Ok, in all seriousness though, I know it's been awhile. Really, I've been without anything good to talk about. I'm still in my spring courses, so all I do is work and class.

Legit, 3 days of class a week, the other 4 are work.

Sometimes my life gets so exciting that I need to just sit in a dark room sometimes. With no noise. Or pants.

Just breathing.

In.

Out.

In.

...

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Uhhh....ummm....out.

I forgot.

I will go ahead and update you on some things that you may or may not be curious about:

Adventures in weight loss:

I'm rocking 181.6 as of this morning, so really, when I stopped blogging I also stopped working out. I suck. I'm a quitter, not a hitter.

But, I haven't gained it back, so that's good. Also, I hit the gym yesterday, so, not totally done.

Just being lazy for a little while, just like the blog.

Wow.

And to think my mother always told me I was a quitter...no, wait, I remembered that wrong. She always told me I was an accident.

Strange Tales from ACCT 311

It's Accounting. I got 96% percent on my midterm.

It's fucking boring, what else do you want?

The final is tomorrow, but I'm not studying to much. I'm really planning to coast off that 96%.

Group Work makes me want to kick myself in the face just so that when I have to go to the bathroom to clean up the blood I have an excuse to leave the room

Yeahhhhhhhh! More group work! Woo!!!!

Hmmm....I could of sworn that there used to be a "sarcasm" button next to the "bold" button.

Oh well.

That was sarcasm. I'm sick and tired of group work.

My current group likes to judge me when I don't have work to turn in...despite them also not having anything done. Hippocrates! Wait...no-that's right. Moving on.

Here are some of the delightful things that have left their ready-to-be-punched-mouths:

"Umm, like, I didn't get an e-mail from you, my e-mail is, like, broken."

3 seconds later she sends a reply to my email to someone else, with me cc'd. Arg.

Assclown: "Hey, that sentence is wrong, it has the word 'that' more than once."

Me: "That doesn't make it wrong."

Assclown: "I'm pretty sure it does, I remember learning that."

Me: *stab-self-in-face-with-pen*

Class is fun. Serially.

Camping!

I took a weekend off, because I fucking deserve it. It's my buddy's birthday and a bunch of us are going camping.

I have a pretty effing awesome surprise lined up for the weekend.

What is it you say? Well...

Click Here

That's right. Fuck you.

It's going to be epic, and there will be many pictures posted I'm sure.

Also, I don't believe in Sun-block.

For realsies.

It's just another way for The Man to control me!

Well I'm my own person, and I think it's far more natural to let the sun do to me what it likes.

Ryan Phillips: Motherfucking Movie Star!!!

Ahhhhhh Shit, I'm famous.

Kind of.

Well, let's put it this way: I'm now known to considerably more Muslim people than previously.

My buddy Shabbir and some of his friends were making a movie for the Mosquers, which is a yearly film festival here in Edmonton. Check out the home page here!

Anyways, they ended up winning for best comedy!

How do I factor in? They needed a white guy, I had some free time.

Big thanks to Shabbir, Shawn, Zeshan, Fahad, and Omair for letting my be in their great movie.

Also, thanks to Jamal Hersi for being fucking awesome.